So FORKED up.

Oh Hai Blogland!

It's been a while cuz things have been caraaaaazy! (Yeah, I know it's spelled crazy. But I like to add the A before the R for an emphasis of just how Caraaaaazy it has been. So shoot me. Or don't. I don't want to die.)

I've been busy working, planning trips, a high school reunion, and other misc. things that I don't care to share because I doubt you care to hear about them.  But last weekend was the most awesome weekend of my twentysomething years of living so I MUST share that with you. Eventually. Meaning soon, after I get some sleep.

This awesome thing I am going to share with you is...wait for it..... wait some more.....sick of waiting....? My trip to FOOOOOORKS! I know, right?? Stoked!!!

Wait, what??? You don't know what Forks is??? Get off my blog and go pick up a copy of Twilight. Now. Go. SHOO!

Ok... hopefully you're gone if you don't know what Forks is. If you are still here because you either know what it is or WANT to know what it is, keep reading... cuz it's awesome.

So anyway, went to Forks, had the best time of my life, yada yada yada yada (I can't stop typing that word.) yada, yada. K, I stopped.

Anyway, I took this trip with my bestie best, Amanda. And like 130 other Twitards. I can't even begin to explain to you how awesome this trip is because I don't have the time and I traveled by car, boat, train, bus, plane for like a gazillion hours this past weekend so I need sleeps in order for my mind to recover so I'm not talkin all this nonsense. Just wanted to let you all know that an awesome blog will be appearing in the near future so look for it. Be on the edge of your seat. Cuz it's that good.

I'm gonna go now. And do this.


This isn't me. I used to hate redheads. Except for the ones I'm related to and friends with. And then I met STY and JJ and they changed my mind.

And I'll be dreaming of this.

I made out with Rpattz!!! (Sort of.)

Ahh it's Wednesday...hump day! Usually I would be stoked that it's semi-close to the weekend but today I just want to be in my bed, sleeping and dreaming of hot men who make me want to hump on this "hump day". It's not just because I love my sleep time, which I do....seriously I'm pretty sure I was born with chronic mono or narcalepsy. The main reason I want to be sleeping is because my dream of dating Rob Pattinson was interrupted by my stupid alarm clock.

The dream may not sound like much to some people but dude, even if I had a dream Robert Pattinson walked by me, accidentally tripped me and didn't even give a second glance as I was laying on the ground with a broken leg...it would still be a dream with Rpattz and is therefore better than all other dreams. In this dream I was staying at my dad and step mom's house and had to stay awake all night for some reason. About 5:00 in the morning two guys came in. One was Rpattz. Now, if this happened in real life, would elicit the reaction of "HOLY SHIT, ROBERT PATTINSON IS IN MY HOUSE!! I'M GONNA CRAP MY PANTS!" and then I'd need new pants. But for some reason I was cool and calm in my dream. THAT should have been my first sign that I was dreaming but I was oblivious. My mind probably told me "Hey Jamie, you're dreaming....and Rob Pattinson is in your dream so just pretend it's reality and don't wake up!!!"

The other guy (I can only assume was his manager or PR rep...something like that) and my dad told us we needed to rest for a few hours before we had to all leave to go somewhere and they left the house. Again, in real life I would be thinking "If Rpattz and I are in a bed resting....we aren't going to be 'resting'!!"

Would you be able to get sleep if you were laying next to him? Me either.

I was right...we didn't sleep, we did other things (Get your minds out of the gutter..but hehe I wish). We fell in and out of sleep (yes, in the same bed... it was fantastic!) and just layed there talking for hours. I know this may sound boring to some people but have you HEARD his accent??? The second he speaks, pants just fly off of woman everywhere, no joke! Way too soon, there was a knock on the door and we were told we needed to get up. We had to go to some conference but for some reason it looked more like a cafeteria mixed with a small college class. Don't ask...my mind makes it's own images. For some reason time had fast forwarded between us laying in the same bed and the conference because we were now sort of dating. I'm not gonna lie...it was awesome. Pure bliss and in my dream I was the happiest I've ever been. Yes I know this probably makes my life sad but I don't even care. At the conference we didn't sit near each other, I sat with my friend Amanda and he sat with Taylor Lautner. Like I said before, in real life I would be so star struck that I wouldn't be able to talk except to studder non-stop and form a bunch of non-words. In my dream I apparently was immune to their hotness and didn't care that they were famous heartthrobs. They were just actors who were completely normal to me...and I'd like to believe that's how I would be if I ever met them but nope! I'd turn into a newborn (human, not vampire)... pooping, peeing, drooling, and making coo-ing noises.

It looked a little something like this... minus the Comic Con stuff in the background

[Unfortunately this is the part where it gets sad and I hate to say it, but Rob Pattinson broke my little heart.] I was back and forth from my table to his in between lectures and he told me because of the media, we couldn't say that we were dating. He had to pretend to be dating someone else. Someone like a doctor or teacher. "Like that girl" he said, as a studious looking woman walked by his table. What I didn't understand was that I don't look like a super studious type but I'm not a blond bimbo looking chick either. So I just got extremely mad, said "Fine!" and stormed off back to my table. I went back and forth between my table and outside [not sure what I was doing because at this point I kept waking up from my dream but luckily I was able to fall back asleep and jump back into it.] Apparently I was friends with Taylor Lautner because him and I kept talking about it outside... and he eventually got Rob to change his mind, so we were back to dating. I sat down next to him at his table and he kissed me. Like really kissed me. A lot.  I remember thinking in my dream "So this is what it's like to kiss Robert Pattinson....it's even better than it looks on screen!" Let me emphasize, IT DIDN'T FEEL LIKE A DREAM!


Eventually Amanda and I convinced them to skip their flight and come hang out with us at our house for the night so we could go out and have some drinks. Again, if this was real life, and Rpattz was at my house, I wouldn't be leaving my house let alone the bedroom, just sayin. I also probably wouldn't be drinking because I would want to remember the entire night (ya know, cuz one drink turns into twenty and pretty soon I'm Blackout Betty.) Then for some reason (this is where I get pissed off again in my dream) Amanda said "I don't think they can come over... my boyfriend is coming over tonight" Seriously, are you freaking kidding me?!?! Boyfriend?!?! IT'S ROB AND TAYLOR! It was at this point I knew that I was dreaming, because Amanda would never ever give up the opportunity to have these guys come hang out with us and I'm pretty sure she would break up with whoever she was dating at the time for a chance to get it on with a warewolf (or someone who plays one in a movie...even if he is 10 years younger than her.)

That was pretty much where my alarm clock went off and I was abruptly brought back to reality. Usually I would still be pissed off about being woken up from such an amazing dream but I'm looking on the bright side... and it's a VERY bright side, my friends. I know some people don't remember their dreams, some people know they are dreaming and some people dream in black and white. But I was given this gift of having extremely vivid colorful dreams..they feel so real that when I wake up, it doesn't feel like a dream, it feels like a memory. And sometimes months or years later, I will still remember the dream and think "Did I dream that, or did that really happen?" This is the only reason, I'm not mad about being woken up. Because to me, it feels like a memory. A memory of making out with Robert Pattinson. How many people can say they have that memory burned into their brain?

Shut up Kristen Stewart, I'm not talking to you.

Twilight....a healthy obsession, no?

Okay, again....it's been a while. I know, I suck at this. I'm waaaaay too busy reading other people's blogs and thinking "Omg, I need to blog!" than to actually sit my procrastinating ass down and write my own.

Currently, I'm obsessed with Twilight again. I can't do anything (as in read, think, work, sleep, eat, shower.........) without my thoughts somehow revolving around Twilight. I know you're probably thinking "Um, Jamie...don't you know Twilight came out like 100 years ago?!?" Yes, yes I do know that. And I started reading them back then when they first came out. I mean I don't wanna brag but all my Twilight books are first editions. I know...you're jealous.

I googled "Twilight Jealous" and this came up. Damn right. Joe Jonas SHOULD be jealous of Rpattz.

Where was I? Oh yeah. Twilight. So the reason I'm thinking about it so much lately is because my dear best friend Amanda finally jumped aboard the vampire train. Not as in 'became one' but 'started loving them'. Just so there's no confusion. We talk about it non-stop (seriously, I don't think 5 minutes passes without one of us bringing it up) and we've discovered some AMAZING blogs about it. Our favorite one is Twitarded. I'm not exaggerating when I tell you these chicks are HI-LARIOUS and Amanda and I sometimes swear that they are our fraternal twins separated from us at birth. Some of their phrases and comments are things neither of us have ever heard anyone else say except for us and it's pretty damn awesome.

When Amanda started getting way into Twilight we talked about taking a trip to Forks, WA. Then one day we noticed an icon on Twitarded's blog. "*Attention* Are you going to Forks with Twitarded?" Um.....I wasn't before but HELL YES, I AM NOW!!!!!!

So it's planned. Amanda and I will leave for Washington in a little under 2 months and we couldn't be more excited (well, maybe if Rob Pattinson was going with us...but a girl can dream!).

The Call Center for Idiots

Yeah, I know... I haven't blogged in almost a year. I started this blog thinking I'd do it more often but got caught up in deciding to do...well...nothing. So I'm starting back up again and hopefully this time, I'll be on my game.

So besides pretending to write blogs, I work for a telecommunications company (yeah, I know....livin the dream!!). I'm the office manager/receptionist and basically just do administrative work (aka facebooking and chatting online.) Because we have a lovely economy and business is quite the opposite of booming, I was cut down to part time. This change is super awesome for my love of sleep but not super awesome for my love of money.

This week my boss asked me to work full time because one of the guys (I work with all guys, 40-50 years old) is on vacation and they need me to cover the phones while he's gone. Pretty much, they are asking me to cover the guy who covers me while I'm sitting in my jammies at home and not getting paid. I said yes of course, because my funds are low and a lady needs to eat. What I was expecting for the week was to sit at my desk, be bored out of my mind and find fun things to do online. What I wasn't expecting was to receive the most random calls I've ever had in my 2.5 years of working for this company. I have now deemed my job as "The Call Center for Idiots".

In order to understand the randomness of these conversations, you need to probably know what our company does. We install phone systems, do wiring work for businesses, and set up phone services. We are not a call center like 411, nor are we AT&T, Verizon, or any other actual phone company. The following are the brilliant conversations with people who need a punch to the face.



Call Number 1: Voicemail Confusion

Me: "Good morning, (insert company name here), How can I help you?"

Really Old Man: " Hi. I found an ad in the paper and I tried to call it back but the number says it's disconnected. What do I do?"

Me: "Um....that's really not what we do here. We install phone systems"

R.O.M: "Huh??? Well what do I do? I've tried to call the number over and over and it's disconnected."

Me: "Really sir, I'm not sure. I guess they wrote the number down wrong or something. I guess if you want, you can call information and ask them." This was just me trying to get him off the phone because frankly he talked really slow and I hadn't finished my morning coffee. Me without coffee = Pissy Pants Polly.

R.O.M: "Well can I give you the number and you can call??

Me: "Um......................................sure?"

At this point I was tempted just to put him on hold for 30 seconds, get back on the phone and say it wasn't working. But I was bored and had nothing else to do, so I called the number and it went straight to voicemail. I hung up and clicked back over to the really old man, hoping we had been disconnected up while he fell asleep in his recliner with a glass of warm milk in his hand. Sadly, I was wrong.

Me: " I tried calling and it went to voicemail so you just need to leave a message and they will call you back."

R.O.M: "What?????"

Me: Leave....a.......message. They.....will.....call.....you.....back."

R.O.M: "What??? But the number is disconnected, and I kept calling but it had a message like it's disconnected. I'm just trying to answer this ad for a motor home but I can't because the number is disconnected."

Me: "No, it's not. It's a voicemail recording. Leave a message"

R.O.M: " It's a what???"

Me: "AN ANSWERING MACHINE. LEAVE A MESSAGE!"

R.O.M: " Oh well I don't think so, I think it's disconnected. Can you give me the number?"

Me: "What? No. It's the same number you just gave me."

R.O.M: "You want me to give you my number?"

Me: "No. You should just call 411 and talk to them."

R.O.M: "911?????"

Me: "4!!! 1!!! 1!!!"

R.O.M: "Oh okay, I will"

Me: "Okay bye."

Seriously?? SERIOUSLY?? Dude, you're trying to buy a motor home but you don't know what voicemail is? I'm pretty sure he tried to say something else or ask me another question about his number/a phone/what 411 was. But I was over it. Hopefully I never get that senile because if I do, I'm probably just going to break away from society in hopes that people don't get that annoyed at me.

For the record, I love old people. I think they are sweet and cute... plus it's awesome that they have seen so many things in life that our generation hasn't. But this guy was ridiculous.

So I hung up from that fun filled phone call and immediately the phone rang. I rolled my eyes and cried on the inside hoping that it's not Old Man Rivers calling to ask me more intellectual questions. Fortunately for me, It wasn't "Really Old Man.... on the other end was this little gem instead.

Call #2: You're the idiot

Me: "(Insert Company name here)." Yes, I shortened it because I wasn't wanting to talk

Complicated Man: "Hi, I need to buy a phone."

Me: "Okay, let me transfer you to a sales person"

All of our sales guys (or both of our sales guys since we are a REALLY small office ) weren't at their desks so I transferred him to voicemail (aka "an answering machine"). Lucky me, the phone rang again and I noticed it was the same number.

Me: "Hello?" (yep, that's what I said...professional, I know.)

C.M: "Hi. I just called to buy a phone and got a voicemail. "

Me: "Yeah, everyone is either away from their desks or on the phone, if you leave a message, they will call you back."

C.M.: "Oh. Can I give you my number so they can call me back?"

Me: "It would probably be best to leave a voicemail, they will check them before they talk to me."

C.M.: (In a tone that makes me sound like I'm an idiot because he's wasting his time speaking to me and not a voicemail) "Well then can you just transfer me to their voicemail?!?"

Call me crazy, but isn't that what I did in the first place? Love people like that. And last but not least, I received this message today after I had stepped away from my desk for a 15 minute break.

Call #3- Rude Biotch

RB: " Well I was calling to have you set up a whole new new system and internet service and whatever else you can offer at my new office... but seeing as you guys aren’t answering your phone, I guess that’s not going to happen."

Wow. I was at a loss for words and I'm pretty sure I had to pick my jaw up off my desk. I was so tempted to call this lady back and say "Look biotch, I don't know what throne you climbed down off of but in this country, when someone doesn't answer their phone...there is probably a good reason for it. In the professional world, we don't leave messages like that unless you work for Bitchaholics Anonymous which you obviously do." Fortunately we have caller ID and I passed the message along to a much more professional and less hot tempered co-worker. He called her back and she said she was semi-joking and was going to call us back later. I guess that was her idea of an April fools joke but in my book jokes are funny, not full of PMS and hatred.

Hope everyone had an awesome April fools day!!! I'm glad this week is almost over so I can go back to the normalcy of sitting in front of my T.V. in jammies and maybe look for a new job.