Thursday, April 1, 2010

The Call Center for Idiots

Yeah, I know... I haven't blogged in almost a year. I started this blog thinking I'd do it more often but got caught up in deciding to do...well...nothing. So I'm starting back up again and hopefully this time, I'll be on my game.

So besides pretending to write blogs, I work for a telecommunications company (yeah, I know....livin the dream!!). I'm the office manager/receptionist and basically just do administrative work (aka facebooking and chatting online.) Because we have a lovely economy and business is quite the opposite of booming, I was cut down to part time. This change is super awesome for my love of sleep but not super awesome for my love of money.

This week my boss asked me to work full time because one of the guys (I work with all guys, 40-50 years old) is on vacation and they need me to cover the phones while he's gone. Pretty much, they are asking me to cover the guy who covers me while I'm sitting in my jammies at home and not getting paid. I said yes of course, because my funds are low and a lady needs to eat. What I was expecting for the week was to sit at my desk, be bored out of my mind and find fun things to do online. What I wasn't expecting was to receive the most random calls I've ever had in my 2.5 years of working for this company. I have now deemed my job as "The Call Center for Idiots".

In order to understand the randomness of these conversations, you need to probably know what our company does. We install phone systems, do wiring work for businesses, and set up phone services. We are not a call center like 411, nor are we AT&T, Verizon, or any other actual phone company. The following are the brilliant conversations with people who need a punch to the face.

Call Number 1: Voicemail Confusion

Me: "Good morning, (insert company name here), How can I help you?"

Really Old Man: " Hi. I found an ad in the paper and I tried to call it back but the number says it's disconnected. What do I do?"

Me: "Um....that's really not what we do here. We install phone systems"

R.O.M: "Huh??? Well what do I do? I've tried to call the number over and over and it's disconnected."

Me: "Really sir, I'm not sure. I guess they wrote the number down wrong or something. I guess if you want, you can call information and ask them." This was just me trying to get him off the phone because frankly he talked really slow and I hadn't finished my morning coffee. Me without coffee = Pissy Pants Polly.

R.O.M: "Well can I give you the number and you can call??

Me: "Um......................................sure?"

At this point I was tempted just to put him on hold for 30 seconds, get back on the phone and say it wasn't working. But I was bored and had nothing else to do, so I called the number and it went straight to voicemail. I hung up and clicked back over to the really old man, hoping we had been disconnected up while he fell asleep in his recliner with a glass of warm milk in his hand. Sadly, I was wrong.

Me: " I tried calling and it went to voicemail so you just need to leave a message and they will call you back."

R.O.M: "What?????"

Me: Leave....a.......message."

R.O.M: "What??? But the number is disconnected, and I kept calling but it had a message like it's disconnected. I'm just trying to answer this ad for a motor home but I can't because the number is disconnected."

Me: "No, it's not. It's a voicemail recording. Leave a message"

R.O.M: " It's a what???"


R.O.M: " Oh well I don't think so, I think it's disconnected. Can you give me the number?"

Me: "What? No. It's the same number you just gave me."

R.O.M: "You want me to give you my number?"

Me: "No. You should just call 411 and talk to them."

R.O.M: "911?????"

Me: "4!!! 1!!! 1!!!"

R.O.M: "Oh okay, I will"

Me: "Okay bye."

Seriously?? SERIOUSLY?? Dude, you're trying to buy a motor home but you don't know what voicemail is? I'm pretty sure he tried to say something else or ask me another question about his number/a phone/what 411 was. But I was over it. Hopefully I never get that senile because if I do, I'm probably just going to break away from society in hopes that people don't get that annoyed at me.

For the record, I love old people. I think they are sweet and cute... plus it's awesome that they have seen so many things in life that our generation hasn't. But this guy was ridiculous.

So I hung up from that fun filled phone call and immediately the phone rang. I rolled my eyes and cried on the inside hoping that it's not Old Man Rivers calling to ask me more intellectual questions. Fortunately for me, It wasn't "Really Old Man.... on the other end was this little gem instead.

Call #2: You're the idiot

Me: "(Insert Company name here)." Yes, I shortened it because I wasn't wanting to talk

Complicated Man: "Hi, I need to buy a phone."

Me: "Okay, let me transfer you to a sales person"

All of our sales guys (or both of our sales guys since we are a REALLY small office ) weren't at their desks so I transferred him to voicemail (aka "an answering machine"). Lucky me, the phone rang again and I noticed it was the same number.

Me: "Hello?" (yep, that's what I said...professional, I know.)

C.M: "Hi. I just called to buy a phone and got a voicemail. "

Me: "Yeah, everyone is either away from their desks or on the phone, if you leave a message, they will call you back."

C.M.: "Oh. Can I give you my number so they can call me back?"

Me: "It would probably be best to leave a voicemail, they will check them before they talk to me."

C.M.: (In a tone that makes me sound like I'm an idiot because he's wasting his time speaking to me and not a voicemail) "Well then can you just transfer me to their voicemail?!?"

Call me crazy, but isn't that what I did in the first place? Love people like that. And last but not least, I received this message today after I had stepped away from my desk for a 15 minute break.

Call #3- Rude Biotch

RB: " Well I was calling to have you set up a whole new new system and internet service and whatever else you can offer at my new office... but seeing as you guys aren’t answering your phone, I guess that’s not going to happen."

Wow. I was at a loss for words and I'm pretty sure I had to pick my jaw up off my desk. I was so tempted to call this lady back and say "Look biotch, I don't know what throne you climbed down off of but in this country, when someone doesn't answer their phone...there is probably a good reason for it. In the professional world, we don't leave messages like that unless you work for Bitchaholics Anonymous which you obviously do." Fortunately we have caller ID and I passed the message along to a much more professional and less hot tempered co-worker. He called her back and she said she was semi-joking and was going to call us back later. I guess that was her idea of an April fools joke but in my book jokes are funny, not full of PMS and hatred.

Hope everyone had an awesome April fools day!!! I'm glad this week is almost over so I can go back to the normalcy of sitting in front of my T.V. in jammies and maybe look for a new job.


  1. I LOVE IT!!!! i love all of it. so good and so funny...thank you. now just keep it up. i want to see a minimum of 2 per week. i know you have the time. even if they are a paragraph or a web site you like or is funny and amazing... just do it. the more you post, the more I(I being the most important) will be entertained..thankyou

    love Croy

  2. Haha will do. Pass the word along please... I need followers like Frank needs a downer.