Thursday, October 14, 2010

Thursday Pet Peeves

I've started to notice lately that I'm developing more and more pet peeves. It gets to the point that at least a few times a day I'll be thinking "FUCK! That REALLY bugs me." when it's something that doesn't even directly affect me.

This is how I feel. Only less furry.

 Maybe I need uppers. Or maybe I just need to calm the fuck down and relax a bit. Not sure really. All I know is that there are so many things that bug the shit out of me and so I've decided to share them with you. Maybe I'm not alone and just possibly these things make you want to punch a baby duck too.

This came up when I googled "Pet Peeve". People dressed as penis and balls is not a pet peeve. It's awesome.
 Loud Chewers: This has been my pet peeve FOREVER. Seriously, how difficult is it to eat with your mouth closed and not sound like you're chewing on gravel or sticking a screwdriver in a pencil sharpener?! I do it every meal of every day and so do millions of others. Close your damn mouth, I'm pretty sure you'd enjoy the change since usually you can hear yourself eat and who wants to sound like a garbage disposal full of drywall screws**?? Maybe slow your roll and enjoy your food eh? Unless you'd enjoy a punch to the junk from yours truly.

Unless you're this guy, close your freakin mouth!

Snoring:  Oh. My. God. So. Annoying. I can't even stand movies where people snore. Snoring on commercials? Forget about it. I'll turn that shit off ASAP. If I have the horrible luck to be in a room or bed with someone who snores, I will toss and turn, then huff and puff like Bella Swan in her hospital bed. It's bad, kids. It's gotten to the point where I've yelled and left the room. Can't. Stand. It. Especially since I'm the lightest sleeper in the world. Someone could fart three blocks from my house and I'd wake up to cover my nose. Rediculous.

Where's this dog when I need him?!
 When people walk like apes: I've had days like this. Where your arms feel way too long for your body as they swing from side to side as you walk, almost hitting your knees. Totally normal. (k probably not normal but shhhhhh.) But when this happens to me, I pick up my long ass arms and fold them or put them in my pocket. I don't let them swing from front to back like I'm walking from the cave to find some firewood. People should do the same. It's not sexy.
At least only one of his arms looks stupid.
Mornings: Should be illegal. Honestly. If people are awake, out and about before 10am, they should be arrested. Morning people are the worst people on this planet to deal with. I'd like to wake them up at 2am being as Mary Fucking Sunshine as they are at 8am and ruin their perfect little sleep pattern.

Well that's it for today. I have many, many, many more pet peeves but I'm going to let them out little by little in hopes that you won't think I'm a giant asshole. It's probably too late for that though. Oh well. Until next time, chew quietly, sleep silently, walk standing straight up and don't wake me up until early afternoon.

Or I'll do this. And it won't taste good.
** This is from an episode of How I Met Your Mother called 'Spoiler Alert'. Freaking hilarious.

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